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New York New Posts. Inner Voice : Good question, I'm getting tired of listening to her talk about her haircut.

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A rub and tug near you of this sort of quality is unlikely, but always possible. First of all, avoid a police outfit.

You may think it's funny, but the girls certainly won't. Button up shirts should be avoided because putting them on while you're absorbed by overwhelming guilt is difficult, and you're likely to miss a button.

Try not to show off and wear your best clothes because a You're dealing with whores who don't really care, and b These types of establishments rarely splurge on luxuries like hooks and hangers for you to store your wardrobe.

Underwear choice is also important. Inner Voice : Alright let's do this, we're getting a rub and tug! Penis : Yay! Inner Voice : Alright so what do we wear?

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Lee's Oriental Massage Private Bath and Spa is a dead giveaway that you're about to walk in to a massage parlor where yes, sex is literally on the table.

Picture a wild animal walking into a rave—that's your inspiration for the entire time you're at the parlor. Look around aimlessly—the walls, the ceiling, the floor, anything but the girls working.

When you're finally approached and asked if you want a massage , you should simply grunt, nod your head, and continue to look around.

Sometimes you'll be asked if you have ever been to a massage parlor before, in which case you should say no and don't really know how this works.

You will be asked how long you want the massage to be, and the secret here is to be as frugal as possible. Pick the lowest price, because that's just the money that goes to the owner pimp ; the girls make money from tips.

Don't try to be suggestive at this point, because you're just going to come off looking like an idiot, and God forbid the escort doesn't respect you.

When the girl leads you to the room, she'll tell you she needs to go get ready and you should undress and lay down.

Take off everything except your boxers and lay face-down and wait for the girl to come back. Inner Voice : Wow, this place is disgusting, why is the air so damp?

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